Contrary to popular beliefs, the Holidays might not be the “most wonderful time of the year”. In fact, statics show that up to 31.5% of individuals report that their mental (and physical) health deteriorates significantly over the Holiday seasons.
So let’s peel the layers of this onion and explore exactly why the Holiday season might be painting many people blue…
There are always two sides to a coin, so it is important to remember that the Holidays may not be all doom and gloom! However, in this Survival Guide will mainly focus on the negative effects of the holiday season. So let’s get right into it:
The holidays are like a breeding ground for stress, especially if you already struggle with your mental health. And Holiday stress comes in many shapes and forms like:
When we talk about pressure, it is important that we acknowledge the two main culprits namely internal pressures and external pressures.
External Pressures come from family members, friends and loved ones that may have expectations of us. Whether this is how much we contribute, what our mood should be or how much effort we exert over the festive season.
Internal Pressures are the weight of expectations that we put on ourselves. When you spend all year waiting for Christmas , you BETTER enjoy it! Right? These internal expectations or pressures can start a vicious cycle of dissatisfaction and a flurry of questions like “Why am I not happy? I should be happy right now.” or “Am I an ungrateful/selfish person?”
All of these expectations lead to profound feelings of sadness, anger and regret.
In South Africa, Holiday sadness can be caused by the excessive financial strain we take on over November and December. And we’re not only talking about gifting. The holidays have been commercialized in a way that forces us to spend more money, and if you are living hand to mouth, the excessive spending may put you into debt.
Some of the most common things you spend money on over the Holidays are:
Whether you are with family & friends or spending the holidays alone, the festive season unfortunately can make many people feel alone.
Spending time with family can be precious, however, it can also be a stark reminder of how much we differ from the ones we love. Holidays offer family members a prime time to raise their concerns with you, your lifestyle, how you look and your general choices in life. While (hopefully) they mean well, it can make many people feel alone and isolated despite being with friends and family.
On the other side, if you have no one to spend the holidays with, and you are bombarded with social media posts of how much family means, the whole experience can trigger feelings of loneliness and sadness.
I am sure all of us have experienced the abovementioned stressors at some stage during out lives. However, don’t fret. We’re here to give you a survival guide for the holidays! Here are some things you can do this year to make the most of your holiday:
From gifting to time managements and social commitments. None of these are off-limits for setting realistic expectations.
Gifting. Collaborative explore ideas of budget-friendly or within-your-means gifting for the whole family. Whether this is Secret Santa or setting a struct budget for each person to spend. Setting these expectations early on will reduce the stress of over-spending.
Time Management. Carefully consider your the time you have taken off from work and set realistic expectations for yourself. Do not overfill your calendar to a point where you are constantly rushing from one task/event to another.
Social Commitments. Based off of your time management, ensure that you plan your social interactions in a realistic manner. Also, as a side-note, if you feel like you are attending an event purely out of guilt, it’s probably a sign that you shouldn’t actually be spending your valuable time there.
I know. This has been said so many times that it has almost become a cliche. But there’s a reason why it is so popular: Because it’s SO IMPORTANT!
Ensure that you make time to do the things you love with the people that bring you the most joy (even if that person is just you, alone, in your room with a bag of overpriced chips and ice cream).
Don’t overcommit; set boundaries to protect your time and energy. It is your job to take care of yourself and your mental health. Setting boundaries does not always have to be done out of anger or spite.
Setting boundaries can be challenging, but if done right it can help your Mental Health tremendously.
Step 1: Identify Your Boundaries: Reflect on what makes you uncomfortable or where you need space. Understand your limits and what you need to feel respected and valued in the relationship.
Step 2: Communicate Clearly: Choose an appropriate time and place to have an open and honest conversation. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing the other person. For example, say, “I feel overwhelmed when…” or “I need some time alone to recharge.”
Step 3: Clearly Express Consequences if Boundaries Are Crossed. Part of setting boundaries is gently informing others of what will happen if your boundaries are crossed. Part of having boundaries is enforcing them, even if that makes you uncomfortable.
Step 4: Be Firm and Consistent: Once you’ve set your boundaries, stick to them. Consistency is key in showing that your boundaries are important and not just temporary requests.
Your boundary conversation or statement should have 2 parts. The boundary and the consequence of the boundary being crossed. This can be stated in a loving way with “I statements”. Here is an example of a boundary statement from a place of love:
I want to be on time for the event. Please ensure that you are ready by the 10am. If you are late, you will have to find alternate travelling arrangements.
OR
I understand that you have strong feelings about the choices I have made this year. However, I am very uncomfortable talking about this subject. I would like to avoid talking about this topic otherwise I will have to leave the festive celebrations.
OR
I feel that my personal privacy is not respected when people come into my room without knocking when I visit home for the holidays. This makes me feel uncomfortable. When I visit this year, I expect everyone to knock before entering my room. If I feel like my personal privacy is not respected again this year, I will arrange alternate living arrangements for the holidays.
Make sure to value your Mental Health this holiday season!
Disclaimer: All articles are reviewed and edited for quality control by a HPCSA Registered Counsellor. However, this content is intended to be used for educational and/or entertainment purposes and should not be taken as medical advice. Please reach out to a medical professional if you have concerns regarding your mental health.
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